Being a parent means not only are you solely responsible for all the choices your child makes until they are adults, but you are equally responsible for all of the decisions that you make as well. This means if you are in a relationship and are ready to take it to next level and get married, you must have your children on board as well.
When you are dating while you have children it can be a very touchy subject. Perhaps the children are not over the fact that you are not with their mother or father just yet, or perhaps they have some issues sharing their time with you with another person. In many cases the children simply do not like the person you have chosen to date as well and that can result in many fights. To avoid all the stress, you must first begin dating someone after you know your children are accepting of it. Either that or date someone without their knowledge of it until they have begun to accept the situation.
Next, you are going to want your partner to meet with your children. This should not be a forced meeting and you should give your children a brief background of this person about to enter their lives. If you have been dating this person for quite some time and you both wish to live together or to get married, then you must all spend adequate time together before you continue with those plans. For example, your children should be comfortable with this person before you move them in with your kids. They want to feel safe and you should always ensure the person you are dating is a safe and trustworthy person to have in your children’s lives as well. If all of you can get along peacefully each time that you are together and your children are supportive of this person in your lives, then you have found a great base to being a branch in your family.
If your children do not like this person, then you must address those concerns immediately. Children can sometimes have a better perception of reality than the parents give them credit for. If your child does not like them because they feel threatened by them or they feel that person does not treat them or you the way they would like for a potential step parent to, then you have quite an issue on your hands. You can begin with therapy sessions and in many cases the children should be engaging in activities with your partner alone to see exactly what type of person they truly are and how well they may be able to get along with one another. Have them do activities and talk to each other about any reservations they may have regarding the relationship and any tips they can work on to make the family have a solid foundation to start with before the marriage occurs. Sometimes the child or children in the relationship are just as afraid as the person you are dating is to begin that family bond, so the more time you encourage all of them to spend together, the easier and quicker you all can enjoy your new life together.
Next, you are going to want your partner to meet with your children. This should not be a forced meeting and you should give your children a brief background of this person about to enter their lives. If you have been dating this person for quite some time and you both wish to live together or to get married, then you must all spend adequate time together before you continue with those plans. For example, your children should be comfortable with this person before you move them in with your kids. They want to feel safe and you should always ensure the person you are dating is a safe and trustworthy person to have in your children’s lives as well. If all of you can get along peacefully each time that you are together and your children are supportive of this person in your lives, then you have found a great base to being a branch in your family.
If your children do not like this person, then you must address those concerns immediately. Children can sometimes have a better perception of reality than the parents give them credit for. If your child does not like them because they feel threatened by them or they feel that person does not treat them or you the way they would like for a potential step parent to, then you have quite an issue on your hands. You can begin with therapy sessions and in many cases the children should be engaging in activities with your partner alone to see exactly what type of person they truly are and how well they may be able to get along with one another. Have them do activities and talk to each other about any reservations they may have regarding the relationship and any tips they can work on to make the family have a solid foundation to start with before the marriage occurs. Sometimes the child or children in the relationship are just as afraid as the person you are dating is to begin that family bond, so the more time you encourage all of them to spend together, the easier and quicker you all can enjoy your new life together.
Yes this is a very touchy situation! This is especially the case if your children are older. With divorce being so common these days this article brings up very valid points and advice.
ReplyDeleteI do certainly hope one day I have to end up doing this. I miss my husband (I am a widow) but at the same time I long for companionship and a solid male figure in my son's life.
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